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Ass of Straws
My roommate called making sure I didn't throw out his "empty toilet roll of cash" he left in the bathroom. I have so many questions.
leaked footage from every shipping warehouse my package goes through
Looked out my window at work and saw this.
Complex Carbohydrates
what i thought of clouds as a kid
Give that kid a medal
Wanted to be a dad for career day. not bad.
My office maintenance people are really sick of all the damage to the walls done by careless people.
Why would you need a farm?
A bowling ad in the local paper...
Look Look!
This customer felt it was necessary to explain why he needs three orders of mozzarella sticks.
Uranus is next
Why you shouldn't name your son Clint.
***es Be Trippin!
World's top four most expensive things by weight.
it's Kristen Wiig
No wonder she's wicked
"We must delve deeper into the understanding of black holes." - Stephen Hawking
Soothing.
Godammit Frank!
Took a unflattering picture of my dog and thought it looked familiar....
The Indian Cobra is kill machine ... errr
My friend sent me his cat with a snap chat filter.
xX_CoolBlockGamer69_Xx --- That username is taken.
What I imagine girls do if I send a dick pic
Getting messed up
Are trolley meme still a thing?
I Call Bull
bad news...iPhone was lost in the SF Bay Area; good news...it was located; bad news...
This is what you get when you invite a man to a baby shower.
Because, f**k this city!
When you ask HL if liking traps makes you gay
I thought I knew the four elements, I was clearly wrong.
Oh the things you find at Goodwill
Oh god, where's Waldo?
fake news
Questions.......
Of coarse
What's up, losers
Scubaru
Swamp
He's BLAZED
No matter how sour my mood may be, this always makes me laugh
My worst nightmare just came true
rip james
Pence has a cure
can't fence the pence
*** u dad I was the Michael Phelps of your ballsack.
NiBBa
That's what I am doing wrong since my first birthday.
When your friends use inside jokes and you are the only one who doesn't get em.
in a scale of 1-10, how enlightened are you?
I also tracked all my son's first words since birth
You wanna keep talking shit? Alright
I am not the only one! :D
No traffic like incoming traffic
It's not rape if they're dead, right?
What do i do.
See how this guy treated his hoarse voice. Click here you won't believe it
Russia's Secret Weapon
Remember kids, dabbing kills germs.
If you can't find your book
He has his mothers eyes..
Annakek
Local veterinary clinic with the dad joke
Marlilyn Manson these days looks like a fat Professor Snape.
Tonight on How It's Made...
Smooth criminal
Kids be like!
Our IT guy just sent us a picture of him in his youth. Some people are destined.
Biased
Oh no, it poured right into the glass like it was supposed to!
Thank you Anakin, but your fun begins in another movie
I think we can all relate to Dennis in some way. It's always sunny in Philly.
A-mazing how easily entertained dogs can be.
Carl on Duty, BLACK COPS
My response to this idiotic poster
Vince isn't ***ing around
Went to my favorite restaurant the yesterday and I loved it. Thought I'd let them know.
I yelled at this cushion today for being on the couch
The Emperor
Now that's dedication to science
Traveling and staying with fam. Borrowed my little cousin's blanket to black out the windows so my kids slept in. Went out for a bagel run and nearly pooped myself...
Japos on it again.
Potty training week 1: My daughter gets her head stuck in the toilet seat and we have to cut her out. She survived unharmed.
Calm down and play dead
"..cuz baking' cool"
parenting the gaming generation
My girlfriend's in China, she sent me photo of girl wearing Mickey Mouse shirt, but something's not quite right...
Giving a speach to hugelol.
While packing my son's lunch, I found a pepper that brought me back to my college days.
The Religious Paradox
Twinkle Tush
This Tweet is now over a year old. 2018 is looking bleak.
Papa bless!
Sorry Starbucks, but I had to break that large bill SOMEWHERE..!
People whom'st'd've'ed shitpost
And then we become pickles