I thought someone put googly eyes on the Trappist Sun on Wikipedia. It's just planets.

Ad in my local phonebook

TIL that a group of koi fish is called a gasp

Woof Woof

Ass of Straws

My roommate called making sure I didn't throw out his "empty toilet roll of cash" he left in the bathroom. I have so many questions.

leaked footage from every shipping warehouse my package goes through

Looked out my window at work and saw this.

Complex Carbohydrates

what i thought of clouds as a kid

Give that kid a medal

Wanted to be a dad for career day. not bad.

My office maintenance people are really sick of all the damage to the walls done by careless people.

Why would you need a farm?

A bowling ad in the local paper...

Look Look!

This customer felt it was necessary to explain why he needs three orders of mozzarella sticks.

Uranus is next

Why you shouldn't name your son Clint.

***es Be Trippin!

World's top four most expensive things by weight.

it's Kristen Wiig

No wonder she's wicked

"We must delve deeper into the understanding of black holes." - Stephen Hawking

Soothing.

Godammit Frank!

Took a unflattering picture of my dog and thought it looked familiar....

The Indian Cobra is kill machine ... errr

My friend sent me his cat with a snap chat filter.

xX_CoolBlockGamer69_Xx --- That username is taken.

What I imagine girls do if I send a dick pic

Getting messed up

Are trolley meme still a thing?

I Call Bull

bad news...iPhone was lost in the SF Bay Area; good news...it was located; bad news...

This is what you get when you invite a man to a baby shower.

Because, f**k this city!

When you ask HL if liking traps makes you gay

I thought I knew the four elements, I was clearly wrong.

Oh the things you find at Goodwill

Oh god, where's Waldo?

fake news

Questions.......

Of coarse

What's up, losers

Scubaru

Swamp

He's BLAZED

No matter how sour my mood may be, this always makes me laugh

My worst nightmare just came true

rip james

Pence has a cure

can't fence the pence

*** u dad I was the Michael Phelps of your ballsack.

NiBBa

That's what I am doing wrong since my first birthday.

When your friends use inside jokes and you are the only one who doesn't get em.

in a scale of 1-10, how enlightened are you?

I also tracked all my son's first words since birth

You wanna keep talking shit? Alright

I am not the only one! :D

No traffic like incoming traffic

It's not rape if they're dead, right?

What do i do.

See how this guy treated his hoarse voice. Click here you won't believe it

Russia's Secret Weapon

Remember kids, dabbing kills germs.

If you can't find your book

He has his mothers eyes..

Annakek

Local veterinary clinic with the dad joke

Marlilyn Manson these days looks like a fat Professor Snape.

Tonight on How It's Made...

Smooth criminal

Kids be like!

Our IT guy just sent us a picture of him in his youth. Some people are destined.

Biased

Oh no, it poured right into the glass like it was supposed to!

Thank you Anakin, but your fun begins in another movie

I think we can all relate to Dennis in some way. It's always sunny in Philly.

A-mazing how easily entertained dogs can be.

Carl on Duty, BLACK COPS

My response to this idiotic poster

Vince isn't ***ing around

Went to my favorite restaurant the yesterday and I loved it. Thought I'd let them know.

I yelled at this cushion today for being on the couch

The Emperor

Now that's dedication to science

Traveling and staying with fam. Borrowed my little cousin's blanket to black out the windows so my kids slept in. Went out for a bagel run and nearly pooped myself...

Japos on it again.

Potty training week 1: My daughter gets her head stuck in the toilet seat and we have to cut her out. She survived unharmed.

Calm down and play dead

"..cuz baking' cool"

parenting the gaming generation

My girlfriend's in China, she sent me photo of girl wearing Mickey Mouse shirt, but something's not quite right...

Giving a speach to hugelol.

While packing my son's lunch, I found a pepper that brought me back to my college days.

The Religious Paradox

Twinkle Tush

This Tweet is now over a year old. 2018 is looking bleak.