Dammit, Alfred

Status: Single

A Special Set of Skills

Could I have embarrassed my wife and kids any more?

Teen asked me if I had a bogie, and I was clueless that it meant cigarette.

Annie are you ok?

Asked my friend to travel to Zimbabwe with me to alleviate poverty. He didn't know he'd be spending his summer sewing reusable menstrual pads

Just Derby Things.

"*** this shit I'm out"

I love you guys

My dry cleaner refused to clean my pants because of cat hair and this was written on the tag.

I found a glitch in the matrix.

mfw

Cheat on you, I never did.

We all know the feel

The greatest Venn Diagram ever made

A lunar eclipse according to flat earthers

D*CK

Pepe Rises on the 3rd day

o - o

I N F I N I T Y

PSA: Dads, if you find this in your daughter's room... it IS a curling iron.

Meet The Focker

This is, without a doubt, the single greatest Teacher Appreciation Week gift I have ever received during my five year tenure as a second grade teacher.

Our receptionist has had this hanging at her desk for years. She has no idea what this is really a photoshop of.

Absolutes

I dont know if this belongs here but I laughed.

Top marks to the deer on the right for a magnificent set of antlers

Cluck

I'm pretty sure they don't even know each other #FinalsWeek

Flat earthers always make me laugh

As if death was not enough...

Make a left at the firehouse

TV Guide telling it like it is

identity crisis

Definitely the best scene of the Star Wars franchise

Went to visit the nice wild ***atoos in Australia

The stars have aligned...Snapchat finally worked on my duck.

As you can see, history was not easy for me.

Alright stop, refrigerate and listen

Uno, dos, tres! Funny and original!

no brakes on the shitpost train

This message will self destruct.

When she don't see the B

The Tumbr is aggressive

She'll never see it coming

getting that masters degree

Amazing exchange rate

This might be missing a few pieces.

Damn bourgeoisie!

I love how dogs do stupid things and look so proud

She'll never go home with him

1980-something!

This guy was selling bear onsies on the street.

Must be nice...

If you look at yourself in the mirror, are you looking at the reflection or at the mirror?

When you browsed Hugelol 5 minutes before you got on stage

We keep finding new things to do with the office bowling ball.

How men and women see color

Ground is one hell of a dangerous drug. Someone might lose a few limbs.

It's the attempt that counts

Whats that song again?

A little boy in our neighborhood went door-to-door selling homemade brooms for $2. Even demonstrated the effectiveness of it! Needless to say...

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

RIp pepe...

Goose bumps

Meshuggcken, my first post after years of regular observation

Just like the simulations

The fact!!

I'm so ready for October.

How To Hug

Bring your child to work day.

Hello and goodbye

Mysteries of the ocean

Robot tries...

And they are still going to be excited about it

It was JarJar all this time

No forks given

Been waiting to post this!

Something tells me they aint diggin for gold

When you use the wrong cheat code in GTA.

When "she" says

I remember my first time

Party never ends

that

Seemed like the obvious answer

Always a Little Worrying...

updoc

Art on internet

Google is ***ing useless

Dejavu... oh wait

Research shows

The philosophers of our generation

No seriously...

How wonder women hides her sword

It's all ogre now

when a psychic reads my mind

yes

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Glorious Leader