Instead of texting my friends happy birthday, I send them this

Today I was shown the petty cash drawer at work. Was not disappointed.

Home opener for the Suns and they have this on the Jumbotron before the game starts.

I saw about half a Mercedes driving down the road today.

Thank you..

My mom has a 150-pound mastiff who is scared of the dark. She sent me this last night -- problem solved!

lizard

The "reviews" for this book...

Semi trucks napping in their natural habitat

$12.99 or ~40~

Sauce : Your name (AKA best movie ever made)

The tings go skrrrratatatatatat

Hello there

When one door closes...

The Magic Man

Sid was smarter than we gave him credit for

Perception vs. Reality

Bamboozled again!

Smell This

Doot

And the Oscar goes to...

The French are amazing

It's not gay, it's beyond such mediocre concepts as "love"

That’s what she said.

First date locations pros and cons

Solid Fatherly Advice

This cat taking a shit

Gun safety at it's finest.

Boo....

I'll get around to it!

this meme transcends language

Just nod & smile

The pumpkins at my local grocery store have an unholy desire.

My Girlfriend let me decorate the bathroom in our new house

Must be one of those 3D phones

Worked out fine for me

I love traveling!

The new Ford GT kinda looks familiar to me.

Anon is ***ed up

My dog is really bonding with my house guest

When your friend with glasses takes his glasses off

The safest car ever

The *** you looking at

The confused bear

Life sux

Don't you mean... Triceratops..?

When you have crippling depression and smile for the first time in months

Classic Fresh Prince insult

His grandma made a blanket for him.

How to trigger every religion

Truly scary

Such vile teachings...

fuk titles amirite? ha ha

Student gave me this very convincing note in first period today.

Google isn't sure how many movies Jackie Chan has been in

Jackoffbot is gay

Doot

fcuk you Karen

Doot

cured

The True Spirit of Burning Man

I'm so Proud

Eyyy.....

god is among us

Unfortunate town for cops to work in

That's how love starts

is he die?

This guy found the answer

And 40's?

Possum Vs Opossum

My actual health lvl...

Halloween funny

The chemistry is real

My kid perfecting his Kamehameha!

My 2 year old daughter's Build-A-Bear creation

My teacher might have some relationship issues.

Simple but perfect

old ears and phonographs

abcdefghijk...

I will never complain about my job again.

screwing with time

We'll soon be able to find these in museums

Andy Richter is restricted within 200 yards of any playground

Sign at my local gas station

thanks doctor

Today on my flight it was a passengers birthday, so a flight attendant made him a crown out of peanut bags and those little swords that they put in ***tail drinks.

Victor, get in the car. There's no time to explain.

Morale is high this week..

Slow news day

genius

And that’s how condoms work

I HATE WHEN I LOSE MY BALLOON

The worst Halloween treat to give out

Coffee Life

Am I supposed to read this straight across from left to right? Or each sign on its own?

Carpool Kare-oh....

Found this on my way to work this morning

Anon evolves

Mom... I’m not sure this is working

Irish porn be like