I'd rather not open the box if I can't use a turtle.

Raw sauce

Toot

I'll admit it took me a minute to get the joke, I am not a smart woman

Best Burn Roasts Circuit City

I replaced his favourite ball and this was his reaction

Hot wings and even hotter questions.

doot

My friends dog fell asleep in the snow

It all started at a little place called Harvard...

Swiggity Swooty I’m coming for that booty

Every day, for 3 years, I sent my friend photos of this strange looking dog because it thoroughly annoyed him. Then I decided to step up my game...

TOYS R bUSted

Microsoft

Courier: Package left under doormat.

There is definitely a treasure behind this wall.

Rare picture of Mark Zuckerberg enjoying his morning human beverage

Some cinema

My mother went to her physical therapist this morning and texted me. My linked watch has a small screen.

jump

It still is here

I just typed 'odd' into my gif bar and this popped up. I was not disappointed.

S-Susan . . . ?

Ja pierdolę

#10 seems a little... awkward.

Only a reptile would wear this atrocity

Pi-ka!

z u c c

Gay

Arrow Knee

Both cat and dog know the sound of me dialing take out. This is them waiting patiently for the Chinese delivery guy.

If it works, I'll buy a crate!

Hiring hacker like a pro!

Needs more jpeg

hmmm.jpg

on time

Die

A surprise to be sure

Japanese Commercials are on a whole other level

Stay safe kids...

Age appropriate chores

When your Siblings are handsome but YOU must rely on your Charm :p

slirp slirp

busted buster

Same

Increase smile 20%, maintain eye contact, human fooled

Best spot

Don’t think I ever read this one.

zucc

My Priest Helped Me Beat It When I Was Young

Russia's high tech missile defense system

Got a match?

So Barber Can I Please Have...

My dog's facial expressions when I didn't turn towards the dog park.

zucc.cmd

Anon goes to a party

Ree

A friend of mine is a lawyer. He wore these to family court today.

zucc is ready to cuck

F*cking normies!

Everyone keeps comparing Zuckerberg to Data when the real answer was right before us all along. Zuckerborg.

Growing up large

I know what I’m gonna do

Gorfield

Pacific Cat

Today's Meditation.

My wife found this in a parenting book, we have toddler triplets

Dogs

As a Texan, this is a must pack item

Anon supports gay rights

This is so sad

When you get summoned to the judiciary committee for leaking users personal information for more than 10 years.

:notlikethis:

I implor u to spare the yoddler

I can't believe he's all grown up now!

The one thing women really like in a garment

Rong

How I felt the first time I smoked weed and went out in public.

Shoutout to the PTA at my kids' elementary school for the most hilariously honest fundraiser I've ever seen.

“What’s in my pants? Are you hitting on me?”

Favorite roommate

Now I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.

What a well-rounded joke

Always pet doggo, no matter the situation!

My hotel is sending me mixed messages...

Exposed!

After sex selfies are trending again

Muhammad Gets Roasted

Zuckerberg swearing in

My wife, a Venezuelan smartass

The hacker 4chan never disappoints

Lemme think

Netflix at it again!

Your Uber will be here in 6 Months!

This is wrong on so many levels

200IQ

When you believe too much

Wow, Wendy's, you guys are harsh.

Welcome to Dicksville, Indiana. Population : 18

This spare tire made me chuckle