Chuckles at its finest

790 points · 86 comments

submitted 11 years ago

86 Comments

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hirule · 156 points · 11 years ago

"that only intellectuals will understand"

Please, anyone with a high school degree can understand this.

facundo_biaggio · 339 points · 11 years ago

in america that is an intellectual

RosettaStoned · 145 points · 11 years ago

facundo_biaggio · 1 points · 11 years ago

from which movie it this gif, rosetta

Maby_Baker · 2 points · 11 years ago

its from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Key_%26_Peele

Atlas · 57 points · 11 years ago

[deleted] · 21 points · 11 years ago

[deleted]

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NineSun · -84 points · 11 years ago

with a "this ^" commend ... you failed

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[deleted] · -21 points · 11 years ago

[deleted]

TripleAC · 10 points · 11 years ago

Especially if you spell comment with a d :P

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Thehra · Silver Club · 126 points · 11 years ago

Logicians

Kalimu · 73 points · 11 years ago

Im very smart therefore I understand all these jokes, therefore im going to thumb this up. *laughs intellectually*
Using the reader's self esteem to get thumbs up is even lower than posting tits.

Davereux · 52 points · 11 years ago

I will upvote this, so people will think I got the jokes and I'm an intellectual.

GrahamCrackers · 7 points · 11 years ago

Just beause you don't know things like this doesn't mean that you are not smart. Most people seems to think that you need to be able to join mensa to be considered to be smart. But the kind of test they are doing a outdated and old, because they don't test for example musical intelligence or social intelligence. The people that I have met that are members of mensa are some of the most annoying and socially akward people that I have encountered. You can have alot more interesting and intelligent conversations with my old hockey team and most of them almost seemed to border retardation. Because they talk with people and not over people.

Davereux · 3 points · 11 years ago

Well, actually I don't say that I'm not smart because I can't pass some kind of fancy test for so said fancy people or because I don't get some silly joke on this site. I said it as a joke, to entertain you guys. Don't get me wrong, I don't say I'm smart or anything like that, I don't consider me smart, but not because I don't get high grades at some bullshit classes that I won't even need at some point in life or because I don't get a joke. I say that because I am, and I consider that everyone in this world is stupid in his own way, nobody is perfect, nobody can be considered the smartest .. just above average, because there are many people who are be better than him at something or know more about something. So yes, I am stupid, but no more than you, or anybody else is.

GrahamCrackers · 2 points · 11 years ago

Yeah i'm really stupid and slow when it comes to math, and yes people are stupid but they are also smart atleast most of them anyway.

Davereux · 4 points · 11 years ago

Well, you can't be the very best at everything. And yes, people are smart and dumb at the same time, it's ironic, isn't it?

GrahamCrackers · 1 points · 11 years ago

Very and how the stupidity seems to take over when people are in larger groups.

pAuL_ArT · 29 points · 11 years ago *

i don't know what passes off as intellectual where you're from, but i understood most of these and i only passed highschool with a pretty mediocre grade and english is not my native language.

HugelolPolice · 5 points · 11 years ago

I'm in the first year of highschool and I still understand most.. not english either

tentononc · 5-Year Club · 11 points · 11 years ago

please don't let this page become ***

invalidargument · 11 points · 11 years ago

[deleted] · 11 points · 11 years ago

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luzianos · 14 points · 11 years ago *

3: the first 2 can't decide for all three but also didn't decline for themselves, so the third one can say for sure that all three want a drink.

8: a logical 'or' is not an exclusive or (like xor). That means the father says "yes, it is a boy or a girl"

11: you can pronounce unionized as un-ionized (chemical) or union-ized (the other one)

I don't know about the last two, they are more specific in what those Scientists did

mcool135 · 0 points · 11 years ago

I'm a day late, wanted to explain them all... *** it, to lazy to write it out anyways.

felipemcuadrosr · 2 points · 11 years ago

you know them all but can't spell "too" right. :'(

facundo_biaggio · 12 points · 11 years ago

3: the first two logiciansanswer the don't know because they want one drink, ut they dont know if the other 2 want one too, and the last one said yes, because he know that the others 2 want a drink too, because of their anwers

14: pavlov was a russian scientist who discover the "conditioned response" in his experiments he would feed a dog and, at the same time, ring a bell, after some time doing that when the dog heard a ring, it would start to salivate, in the joke pavlov develope a conditioned reflex too, as consecuanse of the same experiment

manshiro · 8 points · 11 years ago

13 is about about Heisenberg, a quantum physicist so he asks about measurement of the joke's state as funny (I assume this), Kurt GÃ¶del, a mathematician and logician who derived some really strange theorems about systems being unable to prove their own validity (very simply spoken, for further info: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GÃ¶del's_incompleteness_theorems), and Noam Chomsky, a linguist who had created a hierarchy for formal languages in theoretical computer science.

The joke is basically about three celebrities in their own field making comments fitting to their own contribution to science

Cloptavia · 8 points · 11 years ago

srsly.......you dont need to understand shit to answer the questions.if you understand this you are atleast not compleply retarded.

Dagren · 2 points · 11 years ago

Well, you might not understand the references to certain people. Like Sartre or Heisenberg.

moulbaert · 4 points · 11 years ago *

Nerds of HL rise!

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender replies: for you no charge!

facundo_biaggio · 6 points · 11 years ago

What does the "B" in Benoit B. Mandelbrot stand for? Benoit B. Mandelbrot.

moulbaert · 3 points · 11 years ago

that one was accually realy good!

[deleted] · 1 points · 11 years ago

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facundo_biaggio · 3 points · 11 years ago

benoit b. mandelbrot discovered the fractals, a fractals it a equation that, expresed in a graphical way, it contain it self, that mean if you zoom in the image produced eventually you will see the exact image witout zooming, so the joke it that the name contain itslef, and go on infinitely, like a fractal

Alechan · 2 points · 11 years ago

For source and explanations of each one:

http://www.***.com/r/Ask***/comments/1h1cyg/whats_the_most_intellectual_joke_you_know/

Shame on you, OP ...

JuliiD · Silver Club · 2 points · 11 years ago

I need the maximum captain of captains, sailor of capitanage, capitanage of sailors.

Gongolongo · Pepe Expert · 2 points · 11 years ago

Some good stuff!

Surstromming · 1 points · 11 years ago

I am a dumbass and i know it. And i understood every single joke, except #12. You pretentious ***sucker. OP is probably 15 or American.

BorisGucovski · 1 points · 11 years ago

Niggas understand #16 and be like "yo, I'm an INTELLECTUAL"

Rodario · Early Member · 1 points · 11 years ago

I got all of them (You don't need to be an "intellectual" to get these "jokes") and found none of them funny.

jhlblhbl · 1 points · 11 years ago

i just dont get 12 :/ Cpt?

neingag · 1 points · 11 years ago

why do you call Helium, Curium and Barium the medical elements?
Because if you can't Helium or Curium, you Barium.

awesomebenq1 · 0 points · 11 years ago

need a captain on 6, 8, 14, 19?

alex1036 · 0 points · 11 years ago

You dont need to be intellectual to understand that, you just need to know what they are talking about. Its like watching the ending of a movie you dont know about... you dont know wtf is going on yet that doesnt make u dumb.

(i understood some jokes, they arent funny. they suck balls)

thalespr · 0 points · 11 years ago

first, you don't need to be an intellectual to understand these jokes (proof: I understood)
second, they are not really good jokes

ArnieBlackNegro · 0 points · 11 years ago

i need a captain for number 4

Higgson · 7-Year Club · 0 points · 11 years ago

18 is wrong since only a very small part of the mass is from the higgs mechanism. so DOWNVOTE!!!

JohnHill · 0 points · 11 years ago

Make me one with everything. Upvote :)

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Raivan · -1 points · 11 years ago

this 20 not even remotly funny jokes remind me of the story of the tailor and the queen

the queen forced a local tailor to design her a dress, that is beautiful enough to make every other queen jealous, if he wouldn't be able to make her a dress that beautifull, she would hang him

the tailor cried and was very desperate, because he wasn't able to create a dress that beautifull, but then he got a magnificent idea:

the next day he went to the castle of the queen, with nothing in his hands

at the view of this the queen got very mad and screamed but the tailor interupted her, he said

"Dear Queen, I tailored you this beautifull masterpiece, but only smart people are able to see and feel it!" then he added "my Queen, don't tell me you are unable to see this dress!"

the Queen blushed and stuttered "O-Offcourse I can see the dress! It's truly very beautiful!"

and from the next day on, the queen pranced through her castle only wearing her underwear and her pretended dress

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dfgzb · -2 points · 11 years ago

you mean the fairytale about the "naked king?

Raivan · 1 points · 11 years ago

in my country the story is told this way, what is the difference?

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reapers4 · -1 points · 11 years ago

if this is intellectual than anyone in college is a genious...

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[deleted] · -1 points · 11 years ago

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facundo_biaggio · 0 points · 11 years ago

my dear god you are estupid, a gigabyte it's 1024 megabytes, a megabyte it's 1024 kilobytes, a kilobyte it's 1024 bytes, and a byte it's 8 bits

Camikazi · 3 points · 11 years ago

That depends if you go with IEC or SI naming (and even SI wants you to start using IEC standard). In the SI naming mega is both base 10 (1000) and base 2 (1024) while IEC separates them into 2 different naming structures being mebibyte for base 2 and megabyte for base 10. You would have known that if you followed the link they gave. I like this system cause if learned will lower confusion when you buy a 1 TB HDD and find out it shows up as less than 1 TB in most OSes.

[deleted] · 2 points · 11 years ago

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Surstromming · 3 points · 11 years ago

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[deleted] · -2 points · 11 years ago

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Chickenwarrior · 7 points · 11 years ago

Higgs Boson is needed to create Mass out of Energy and Mass is also a word for the service in the church. "A church is meaningless without the God particle" is the most stupid sentence ever. It was called "God particle" but stands in absolutely no correlation to any religion.

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Steamswitch · -3 points · 11 years ago

gay

the_dude · 5 points · 11 years ago

now that's intellectual

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suchusernamewow · -3 points · 11 years ago

That was great ! If OP goes on...maybe he won't be a fag forever !

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nikmetalero · -3 points · 11 years ago

JAJAAJAJAJ you'are.

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[deleted] · -7 points · 11 years ago

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Alechan · 2 points · 11 years ago

Actually, ***.

http://www.***.com/r/Ask***/comments/1h1cyg/whats_the_most_intellectual_joke_you_know/

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[deleted] · -15 points · 11 years ago

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[deleted] · 13 points · 11 years ago

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LOLLER321 · 4 points · 11 years ago

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BiraAndMeze · -18 points · 11 years ago

Funny? I think NOT

Tyranno85 · 11 points · 11 years ago

The funny is to be found with intellect. Concluding you don't find it funny is like concluding you're dumb.

BiraAndMeze · 1 points · 11 years ago

When you make lame jokes that you understand olny if you know certain facts doesn't make them funny, sorry

Tyranno85 · 0 points · 11 years ago

You must be Canadian?

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[deleted] · -1 points · 11 years ago

[deleted]

Tyranno85 · 0 points · 11 years ago

And this is a reply in order to detect the sarcasm in the previous reply regarding the replying reply

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morbot · -20 points · 11 years ago

(1 + 1/2 + 1/4 + 1/8 + 1/16 +... 1/2^n) = 2, exactly 2, not tending to 2.
That mathematician in joke number 5 needs to go back to school.
Walking half the distance times infinity (or any reasonably large number) covers the complete distance! I'm pissed...

sylvanj · 11 points · 11 years ago

No, it would take a literally infinite amount of time to clear that distance. Walking half of that distance a reasonably large number of times would get you close enough for practical purposes, though, which is what the engineer said.

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morbot · -1 points · 11 years ago

for a mathematician significant figures also apply, you do not have to be an engineer to understand the minimal movement a human body is capable of achieving. The amount of iterations is limited, ergo infinity can not be achieved, (that's why I said a reasonably large number)

I'm still pissed

manshiro · 4 points · 11 years ago

The joke is about people behaving like their chosen discipline.
For an engineer, getting to a point where practicality is achieved is enough. For a mathematician there still is a difference between veeeery large numbers and infinity as the later does not behave like the former in many cases like for example the dimension of a mathematical space. There isn't much of a difference between a 4-dim space and a 80000000-dim space in how they behave. Make it an infinite-dim space and some rules don't apply anymore like being bounded and closed leading to being compact.

Using big numbers as "equivalent but not quite" to infinity is rather the job of physicists.

Radonator · 7-Year Club · 0 points · 11 years ago

It doesnt start with 1+, but with 1/2+... So it will never be 2. It wont even reach 1. 1 Is the whole distance.

morbot · 2 points · 11 years ago

it was just an example of a convergent series, it can start with any number you like, in this case 2 = 100%

creativeenough · 0 points · 11 years ago

still, the 100% doesn't belong in there. the formula to the distance that they would walk would be: S = {1/2 + 1/4 + 1/8 + etc}. at the point it reaches the midle of the way, half the whole way become the whole way. so it starts again. there is aways going to be half way to become a new whole way unless he walks 2 times the same distance

reversengineer · 1 points · 11 years ago

If the series starts from 1, it converge to 2, right.
(had to edit to realign unwilling compacted spaces x-P)

But think about it:
2 =â€‚â€‚â€‚âˆ‘â€‚â€‚â€‚(1/2^n) = 1+â€‚â€‚â€‚ âˆ‘ â€‚â€‚(1/2^n)
â€‚â€‚â€‚n=0â†’âˆž â€‚â€‚â€‚â€‚â€‚â€‚â€‚â€‚â€‚â€‚â€‚n=1â†’âˆž

Compact the ends:

2=1+â€‚â€‚â€‚ âˆ‘â€‚â€‚â€‚ (1/2^n) <=>â€‚â€‚â€‚ âˆ‘ â€‚â€‚â€‚(1/2^n) = 2-1 = 1
â€‚â€‚â€‚â€‚â€‚n=1â†’âˆžâ€‚â€‚â€‚â€‚â€‚â€‚â€‚â€‚â€‚â€‚â€‚â€‚ n=1â†’âˆž

end of proof ;)

creativeenough · 1 points · 11 years ago

dude. im stupid, it means that i'm right or wrong?

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reversengineer · 1 points · 11 years ago *

see the post down below for better alignment xD

morbot · 1 points · 11 years ago

I don't think you understood at all what the rest of the discussion was all about, I'm pretty sure what you just said had previously been covered...

But whatevs, YOLO SWAG ;)