You're gonna stand there and own a firework stand, and tell me you dont have any...

I like to leave our giant sock monkey posed for the wife to find. She's never as amused as I am.

Blame it all on Millennials

do not disappoint us son

SPEECH : 100

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My Dad's condiments based on Sodium and Enjoyment

Shrekposting

think before you abort

Chris Chrisco

Why cyclists wear black shorts

Shots firefoxed!

When you're not quite done Bamboozlin'

That's my boi

Knock knock

Found this while helping my 5 year old son clean his room.. He said it's for "just in case."

Flash will crash if he is in rush

He's a HLer

Just magic

You're gonna need 2 Hands

Hood feud!

*** that cute puppy shit

crikey!

Hangin' out

Baugettemarine motha***aaaa

Shrek is love, Shrek is tolerance

How to annoy your wife 2.0. I had to improvise the S when I ran out of sequin pillows. :(

Relatable

no swearing

Girls are always banana cup after they talk with me

My friend's sister-in-law received her new license plates this week. Here is what the DMV sent her...

Searched for pineapples on Urban Dictionary. Wasn't expecting this answer, but really I shouldn't be surprised.

Dogo Please Give Me A Smile ..

How I justify not walking up to girls and asking them out

Star wars action figures are pretty brutal!

I don't think I'll be trying to get my seat back...

Im actually getting a tan this summer!!!

S I T

Chicken nuggets be like my boyfriend

Found in my town's police report...

Not bad on a state trooper's salary.

SPF 1776

it wasn't real communism, lets try again

Taking care of business - Texas style

While you were playing minecraft, I studied the blade.

Emergency exit only!!

Culture Differences

You drive a hard bargain...

It's all the same

He found god

Brb, moving to Japan.

B-But officer, she is actually 1000 years old

My brother works for the police department. He was checking the dispatch and noticed this earlier today.

S u c c

If feel sorry for laughing at this

Another Juggler gives up on his dreams...

how to make any anime

Its like a cross over episode

Homo lizardus

Effective job ad

I found this beauty in a gift shop

When you master Pinterest

My big brother saw this shoe and drew this. He calls him "The Cyclops Duck"

When you're in that sweet spot

The Asian aging process

Relatable

Best served by ourselves

The short version of The Hobbit

Deals

It's not a story the Jedi would tell you.

Diabetes Misunderstanding

Godly

Does this count as necropihlia?

Not so happy ending.

Dreaming of screaming, someone kick me out of my mind.

Closed On The 4th

Greatest knockout artists.

Correctly identifying alligators and crocodiles

Craigslist at its best

anyone see a cat?

It's Dino time!

Roommate has date coming by later and asked me to clean bc he's not home. So I made a Princess D shrine in his room

We all live in 2017, but that country leafs in 3017

Do you guys like my Eminem shirt?

Accidentally searched of "overweight car" instead of "overweight cat". This was the first result.

it's my life

You can tell by the yellow lines that this spot is for BMW parking only

Royal Guard

Equal rights and lefts

Duck God vs. Rabbit God

My friend came home from a mini-vacation and forgot to change the kitty litter. This morning she's brushing her teeth and hears a little tinkle...

Local news just shared this

Bamboozeld

Being social broke

Sucking dick is not as gay as watching anime

I'm glad they didn't do one for Bangkok.

Sand Trap

How we actually do this

Logic Fetish

You and me both sister.