I tossed a fortune cookie in my wife's lunch today. She angrily sent me this picture. Like I control the fortunes inside the cookies and I picked this one on purpose.

Xbl ;)

Good kid

uwu

"What do you mean the printer shit itself"

Sir whats your Gender?

When ya gotta work , Ya gotta work

Doubt

Spoopy

please let him live

100% similarity

whitepeoplehavenoculture?

Not Fired

It is Lonely Here...

Delicious

Real motivation

We tried.

Show them what you got!

I guess I am doing this wrong

Latte defined in wiki

Zippity Zoppity, here comes my floppity

hide yo kids

My diet starts today

A great leader once said...

Wait. You too?

Ask Elon

At least they are consistent

What a businessman

Dr. Phil agrees

Somebody's right

Damn! Sometimes it happens !

Hiding the truth

DON'T BLINK. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead.

I LOVE the japanese media

*Yiffs the mascot*

once one always one

I can feel the “mmmhhhmmmmm” from here

Me in college

Dracula ain't sh!t

Peace with thyself

Bike doodles

You're just a-nother brick in the wall

Because women would rather buy what's expensive than what's better.

scaey

Oof

Captain Mother ***er

hmmm

Choose wisely :P

me_irl

Freedooom

we started from the bottom now were here (we keep getting lower)

ELON IS OUR HERO

For our Lord

Colors

Proofreading is important

Oof

Does it?

Lifechanging perspective

Good idea, bad execution...

I enjoy the simple things in life...

Get fit

I.....ummmmm.....mkay?

Alpha kiddo

But IRL they shout before you even get the sneeze out

Yee haw!

It’s almost Halloween! Watch out for these ***s

This gave me a sensible chuckle

Absolutely MARVELous

Hahaha true or not true

That’s the last time I buy wireless headphones off eBay..

My favourite yum yum

Your average lawyer commercial.

My wife hit your mailbox

It was pizza.

Kids know how to be honest.

Cookiess!!!

This is the hard core truth

For those who have siblings.

Put the bunny back in the box.

That's a lot of pressure

Relatable

Lasagna

Cultured Woman

Wym

Not just for sex

Can’t wait to eat these on Halloween

How to use tongs

John

When you take a picture with an Amazon Echo Show, it automatically uploads the photo to your Prime Photos account. Well, this was the notification I got while I was at work.

Seen in Egypt

That’s ok, Friday is fine.

Anyone looking for a neat pet?

What do you think would happen?

This picture makes me violent and angry

Have you?

Mighty 3310

The bull crying in the corner !

eat ass

Isn't that the cutest thing ever?

Ancient aliens?