Daughter returns home for Christmas tomorrow. Wonder how long it takes her to notice my photocopied face.

All I want for Christmas is...egg

My cousin informs me Canada does not generally play 'Beer Pong'. They actually have their own regional sport, naturally called 'Alcohockey'.

Green Energy

literally magic

When Grandma prioritises the dog over you

If you think you can just remove the dust jacket to get rid of the unnecessary 5" x 7" portrait of Shel Silverstein in your house, you're mistaken.

My daughter’s reaction when dad spilled some salsa on her head

Every holiday my mom dresses her alien statue Paul in different outfits. She out did herself for Christmas

Later virgins

I bought a house!! And now I am an adult. And as such, I wear a suit every day and carry paperwork in my briefcase.

Florida Pawn Shop

Life goes on also ew

Caught Grant by surprise

I hope my 8 year old appreciates this fine elf art I made.

Touch myself whenever I like.

Saw This Graffiti on a Changing Table in a Mens' Room

when my 3000 dollar set up can run the game better than a 300 dollar console

I liked 2 pictures of cross-eyed cats on Instagram and now my algorithm thinks I'm into disabled cats.

Sorry sir didn’t know who I was talking to. Here are the keys to hell VIP

Retard

Ireland moment

Marketing merchandise from Starbucks

If my pie ain't like this, I don't want it

I'm putting mine on a girl!

Beautiful o-o

The original... Maybe

Double check that list...

Monolith mystery revealed

Did they lie tho?

onlynoughtsandcrosses.com

Airport security is gonna be tough

This grants flight, essentially

Very much

Hello there

This is a real nice surprise.

Power!!!!!

I hate my internet

oil me baby

Studied non-stop since february

Damn fake accounts can't cooperate

squats vs. no squats

Thank you Mr. Wizard

... you better hope I don't find out where you live

The classic Christmas card picture progression

The Rosy Crocodile

The hero we need

Please respond

At least we have each other at the end

I have no idea what to get Scott

We want the numbers, Mason! [OC]

Calvin was absolutely savage

Long A gang represent

The icu I work at has a good sense of humor

I love this post to death lol

Hahah what a funny man

I'll take the vaccine & also a starter pack please!

Engineer husband

*uses the bag to strangle the ponygirl*

Now that's one approach...

I didn't know they had washing machines back then.

Damn low resolution eyed

Your butt napkins me lord

Rieiuinioin?

You're welcome

My buddy’s doggo has the best toy

Your fired

Get it while it's fresh

It's not what you think... I raped and ate them

Party!!!!!..... I mean kill jews

Sometimes it sucks being a Phoenix

oc (title too short)

Coming to theatres... indefinitely later!

Once you see Cookie Monster, you can’t unsee it.

ornaments

Both get away with warcrimes.

So what does the fox say?

till end

Lobby bar

I do what must be done

When my wife talks about having another baby, I like to remind her how painful breastfeeding was...works everytime

Much to learn!

Drumroll.

The ultimate gift for the antisocial anachronistic *** in your life.

The Grinch spotted in Australia

November 19, 1863. The iconic Getty's bird dress.

An interesting star

Amazon delivered a package last night and this is the photo the driver uploaded

Has science gone too far?

Good for you man

My brother’s “Inception” car for Pinewood Derby a couple years back

Everyday after the first is bonus

There some strange pairings during the Arsenal game today. Nearly spat out my beer..

Help , my package is lost

p a c k a g e s

Vincent Van Gof*ckyourselves

He got dog, that's all you need

Test Drive

One way to keep people out

Be a Man