50% Chance of Getting Relaxed Sleep

My wife demanded to know why I spent the extra money on a pet hair vacuum

Top-Notch

Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it don't exist.

Or quack your head.

Doctor Phil logic

A lil' predator.

You activated my trap card

Ranked #1 in the industry!

We all have favorites, right?

Please Tim, make it true with Johnny and Eva

haha yes

I never noticed none of my colleagues has nose ring. Its true.

They set them selves up for that one

Advice more true than ever.

My daughter turns 1 next week. She learned to play hide and seek today

It's - a me

Fran Lebowitz looks like Andy Samberg playing the role of an old woman.

Like I had any chance haha *laughs and cries*

gOOOOd wisdom

with a funny hat

I think it would do something else

no, you're the entire pond

Embrace your weakness

Stay strong kings

p e n c

Like the that famous person said, "It's that easy".

Seems accurate for Disney

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder

Middle Europe

Meanwhile in Madrid, someone sculpted the Venus de Milo out of snow

it makes it better

Russia started covid vaccinations

The great gig in the sky

He gets it

He unfortunately has a point

F is for Fingering my favorite homie

Too old for stickers?

Lol stupid turtle

A question for the ages!

Well im sold

Day 0 - Training begins... eat egg salad sandwich in front of them to display dominance, installing yourself as the Alpha.

This guy put his divorce on his resume

Should I stop charging it now?

Hit Music

Non of you can appreciate this meme.

If birds had social media

True af

Double photografers

keep him dead

Just throw it on the pile

No they are not

Yes... yes it is.

Sadly

omigosh

s n i f f

OOOOF got her

Hand up who's coming?

Wasn't this rule already in place pre-covid?

I don’t think that’s an organ but gOOOOOOd choice

So much chill

uwu

Looking at you, Bezos

rip

Sl*ut

hmm

nani

   

It was my dads birthday today but we didn't have the right numbers so we got creative

Order some mentos if you want to play

Ban

Sad

Before vet..... After the good meds

:^)

I dont speak japanese

uh oh

Is... is this true?

:v⠀⠀⠀

Friendly Pupfire

Please try bois

Hand it over! You obviously don’t deserve a pokedex

True

Bonk.

:-(

I love driving on mushrooms

temperature check

bap bap bap By Lucas Turnbloom.

Yikes

Buddy Gator - Bedtime Story

Some Swedish animal names translated literary

*** the USA on Mondays

This pen holder my forensics teacher has

I feel this...

UTI inbound

American Breakfast

Line for port-a-potty in Lake Tahoe!

oh no! anyway

doggo

Swisher not sweet

Pretty g*y to me