Surprise, mother***er.

[Relevant] ( http://imgur.com/UG3jHEU)

Her: "It says here that young people are too focused on their phones and ignore the world around them. Thank goodness we don't do that"

Him: "Huh? You say something?"

*Aww, you mother***ers. Okay. Alright.*

I'm putting iphone cases on **all you ***es**. Huh! You think you can do this shit...***COOK!*** ***TIM!***

You think you can do this to me? You mother***ers will be unit testing for Angry Birds in Silicon Valley when I get finished with you.

iOS program, ***nigga***. Lightning cord lockdown. I'm the man up in this piece. You'll never see the light of... who the *** do you think ***you're ***ing with?***

***I'm APPLE!*** I run shit around here. You just buy my shit. Yeah, that's right, you better stand in line!

Steve Balmer ain't got ***shit*** on me.

Called my mom one time for help with a recipe she always made when I was a kid.

Mom: "Next, add a smidge of..."

Me: "Wait. A 'smidge'? What's that? How much is that?!?"

Mom: "You know...a smidge...less than a pinch."

Me: "That's it. I'm ordering takeout."

No, you passive aggressively roll it up correctly until she gets the point. If she adopts appropriate behavior she is suitable for mating.