If I were to lose 10kgs, I would be pretty good looking imo.
But even then, I would have no self esteem.
And this addiction is my only "shamefull act" I never smoked or took drugs, which raises eyebrwos a lot where I go.
I am the goody two shoes kind of guy that bends over backwards to appease everyone only to appease everyone but myself.
I am pretty good with my hands and tools but that's not something special.

What do you mean by the fetishes described, don't quite get it.

I am completely and utterly alone.
I have no one close by, I have no self esteem, I am the nice guy that will break his leg trying to please people, regeradless of gender.
I was "groomed" to be obedient as a child, independence was not desired, nor was a opinion of my own. I could go on and on but you get the gist.
Just noticed that every sentence starts with an "I", which feels very selfish.

I wish it was booze. I am porn/sex addict.

Not doing great, my addiction is escalating and im burning money on it.
A lot.
I've wasted 3k in september, was about to recover this month, wasted 2k again.
I'm gonna die alone without ever having been in love or having been with someone I care about.

On other hand, I am going to keep my job, they are very happy with me and I have a full time unrestricted contract.

I honestly wish I was dead. I dont see it improving any time soon.
Not even talking about the politics.

I'd like some Paulaner Spezi pls.

Sometimes you need a push into the right direction.
When my mum was losing her hair because of cancer, her partner said "let's shave it off, it's for the better" and she didnt regret it.

I wish I could flood my kitchen with raid.

i've thrown away everything I could find.
The eggs are very well hidden.
The containers are on their way.

I like to ride bikes and work on bikes. not the best weather for that at the moment.
I am quitting my beloved Spezi and will only drink it on special occasions or as a reward. I am not buying chocolatte either. And I think I am going to throw my Nutella away too isntead of using it up.
My main problem is getting up and out of my gutter of a head and do anything productive.

Fixed

Found this by pure coincidence on youtube agian, I forgot how much Priest rocks.
Don't worry about me.
https://youtu.be/MtWJoIUifQI?si=9sUbxwFGayo3lSFP