When I flew to Sydney the flight attendant did all the normal "welcome to Sydney, please say seated with your belts fastened until the captain has turned off the seatbelt sign, etc" but of course people start unbuckling straight away

So he came back on saying "Looks like there's big mobs of tards on this plane who don't listen."

I was expecting an HR lightning bolt to strike and fire him on the spot but everyone just laughed and I decided I liked Australia.

And take an insane amount of bathroom breaks so I can sit and stare at my phone throughout the day.

My office probably assumes I have Chrohns or IBS

Ha funny thing is F5 just pulls the cached version. To query the server again and abandon all cached content press CTRL+F5.

I bet you were the butt of a few jokes that night.

That middle one is perfect. This will be a meme in 24 hours. I guarantee it. Ninja dad.

A+ title, good shit that's some good shit

That must have taken hours shading the upper lip

To prove you're not a robot enter the number of jellybeans in this jar in roman numerals.

I don't quite know what to think of this... but if my dog did this I would probably be examining his spine to see if it had completely come out of alignment.

**Customer:** "I love these sexy bracelets, is it ok I touch myself?"

**Staff:** "its ok, here you have some lotion and paper, thank you for asking".