Cleverbot is such a waste of my life. I have better conversations with fruit.

This is only funny because I'm at my friend's house, her dog's name is Luna, and we are watching Dr. Who on netflicks with a crappy internet connection.

Have you ever met someone that is a human version of having your balls stepped on?

This is John Mulaney and he is flipping hilarious. You should listen to his joke about the best meal he's ever eaten

Did you think that was funny because he's wearing an orange suit or because he's talking about his dick being on fire?

That probably cost more than I make in a week.

What's funny is that Fahrenheit was invented using the metric system. 0 in Celsius is 32 in Fahrenheit because the inventor used a ruler and measured the height mercury rose when the thermometer was in ice water, which was 32 centimeters.

Are you telling me you don't want to see Selena Gomez in a gold bikini?

Neapolitan ice cream has vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate all in one container. It's fantastic.