How to get fired and divorced!

Found in a book of funny Craigslist “missed connections”

Mc***ed up

*old town road plays*

From eating sand to making the avengers sanded.

The greatest Venn diagram ever.

A friendzone-to-friendzone time-space continuum

Heroin gives you autism

Good boye is still learning...

Heros get remembered...

A perfect job for me

C U R S E D

Good ol' Georg... always the same with him

They keep society floating

She deserves that

Tripped and fell today but I'm ok

Hopefully soon

Sock it to me.

Martial arts marketing

Excuse me, rocks....

Thinking about my next meal... While I'm still eating

Momma with da diss

They have evil powers

Behave yourself child!

Angry bird selfie

♫Shot through the.... head, and you're to blame♫

Everyday we stray further from god

Just marking the occasion

Fat people providing mobile hotspot on public transport get priority seating. Move along preggys!

More true than I care to admit.

Not so happy feet

Vroom, Boom

Little kool-aid men

Wish him some luck

One Audi to rule them all

Fine, ur called Nibba.

Helping grandma with the remote

It's P for pass!

Lazy ass humans

You have my respect

I think my fridge got lucky last night

Seen today in germany ... Made me blow more air through my nostrils than usual :)

Good boys

Odin, God of Names

Mom.. I'm not feeling so good..

don't look at me like that

Music of the void

My Anniversary Present.

He deserved it

Pothole

Incredible

Don't live a lie

I'll subtly wash my hands for a bit longer than usual until the dryer is free...

lilo and stitch

Oh Carlos...

You fail your driving test

Russian Dating Site Profile Pic

Well, well, well... how the turn tables...

Guardians

That's a weird looking price of fruit...

His eyes were on the prize

Sea cow

Cremated customers may contain traces of nuts

Shit like a king

You don't need Google Maps to find it

Swords ~ Only One Sword

Water you doing?!

Thots everywhere

Buy Book. Leave on Coffee Table. Never need babysit for family again.

Anon gets an ew

Make sure fully cooked before serving

Flies will be flies

Every time someone cooks this.

I have to admit, it's a very useful card.

Pick a number between 1 and 10!

That's gotta be a pretty good book.

The nice thing about WholeFoods is that you can carry $100 of groceries in one small bag.

Keeping it real on graduation day.

I'm not walking on her floor

This hits very close to home.

Good bo...

At least they cut their hair

Anon are dangeros

My spidey senses are tingling..

I am speed

I'm A Killer

I corrected this one.

I don't want to go to this gym anymore

good lord

I saw a post about a Tesla flexing on someone, and I raise them another flex

Look at the comments

An interesting thing

I'm not sure what I should do

Ruthless

you're late

Also in LA

*Laughs in Zoroastrian*

Yes this is so real :)

This is what happens when 90's kids grow up and get money.

Seriously what's wrong with people these days?