Caroline is actually the cat

Because in Russia people are cheaper than just attaching the rakes to a vehicle.

I like it that the first thing she does when in heaven is to find a wifi hotspot and post this comment.

Fake. Pokemon don't bleed.

Bill Gates!

I'm a goose and I feel offended.

I can't imagine you would like to have that.
But here is the way, download the extension tampermonkey. Click add new script. Paste this:

// ==UserScript==
// @name CNN Header
// @namespace http://localhost
// @include *.cnn.*
// @version 1
// @grant none
// ==/UserScript==
window.onload = modifyTitle;

function modifyTitle(){
var temp = document.getElementsByTagName("h1")[0];
temp.innerHTML = temp.innerHTML+" :/";
}

Have fun!
:/

And the squirrel wrote a book about the physics of a falling apple.

Shell -> oil company -> global warming -> melting ice -> worried santa -> rudolf lost his red nose

I really can not imagine what crime he CAN commit. he is too slow for every crime. Unless blocking the entrance to Mc Donalds is a crime.