Rookie numbers! Im depressed for 32 years!

Good to see you are back

I´ve had therapie for some years and thanks to this I was able to realize I was falling into depression once more. Im not in therapie anymore, so I had to fight it myself, I remembered the tricks my therapist told me and I was able to use them too.
Focussing on the positive things is actually harder than I thought, but it does help immensly.

the gooner are the only thing keeping the egoonomy gooning at this point

Long time no reply, had loads to do, sorry.

Yeah, I have often said, that Im a social chameleon, since I copy the peron/persons infront of me. It works, but there will always be lingering distance, since you cant really be yourself.

I found some new friends over gaming, actually. Well, one friend at work and he introduced me to his friendsgroup and I got invited to game with them too.
Problem is, even in games with voicechat, people rarely use it. And if they do, they use it only to flame and ***.

Have you tried to write a letter to them? You dont have to send it, but thats what my therapist told me to do some years ago. I never did, but I recon it could be helpful.

I started writing a journal but I only write in what I was thankful for that day. Legit actually helped me get through the days and keeps my memories occupied with happy stuff.
Cult of rembering happy day.

I´d like some beers, as always. But give me some for Tim2007 too, I saving a seat for him.

You do know who you are talking to, right?

Time to post this again:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52i14wYBef8

Yeah its been and still is though to not take the rejection personally.

I not only have the option, but I HAVE to work and study, since I otherwise would not get any money. Where I life, students are only getting paid if they are under 30. And since Im 32 I really dont want to stop or take a break, I want and need to finish ASAP.

I struggle to let new people into my life. Im a pretty outgoing person, but only superficial. I feel very uncomfortable talking about myself, smal talk is fine and all, but I cant open up to people at all. Well, only here with my semi-anonymity Im somewhat able to ^^

Yeah, its such a hassle to meet new people and (in my experience) it gets harder the older you get. I have one friend right now, whom I trust completely. And thats pretty much it, Im trying to let new ones into my life, but like I´ve said, I struggle a lot with opening up to them.
And even if I did, Im afraid it would just drive them away again, so I let the relationship stay superficial until it eventually just fades.

I thought about going out again, just me and a bar. I used to meet a lot of interesting people this way in my early 20s, but I dont know it that is still an option now or if Im even comfortable doing that still.

Do you have any person you explicitly trust? Or you can just talk to and blow off some steam?

Thank you for replying!

Well first, the issue with my wife is a bit complex with many things going on (I mean, after 10 years, obviously), but the gist of it is, that she´s currently jobless and got a bit of a bad diagnosis. And everytime she´s undergoing such big changes in life, she wants to change everything. When her mother died, the next day we bought new furniture and redecorated the entire apartment.
Now she´s questioning everything and thus, our relationship too.
Also I quit my job and started studying again, which I wanted for years. But now we have very little money and thats scary too. Like you´ve said in your other paragraph, it sucks having to live day by day, without knowing if you will survive the month.
That is a very very short summary, but some of the main issues.

Yeah, this kind of situation, where you are scared that SOMETHING might happen and you are ***ed, is very stressing. If my wife would decide to end the relationship, I would be homeless, since I was the one who moved in with her.
I´ve met a friend, my oldest in fact, who I´ve known since I was 6. And I´ve realized, that we dont really fit as well as we used to.

The "good" thing about my parents is, that they are shit to everyone. So my other relatives (whom I rather close too atleast) cut off all contact with them too. That really helped me to accept, that its not me, whos in the wrong here. Still, I get nightmares of my parents sometimes, so there is (obviously) some unresolved stuff left.

Thank you for sharing too, I dont know how it is for you, but it does kinda help me to know that there are other people out there, struggeling with similar issues.

I found some new people to talk to recently, but those friendships still have to develope until you could really talk about everything.
How are you holding up? Are you outgoing and trying to meet new people?