It's the story of your life And the end of it's your death And every word that's in between Is just a waste of breath
299,779 Gold Club
Who will be the next victim ?
I tried to text "for f..k sakes" and it auto corrected to "four duck snakes" so I googled that...wasn't disappointed
I love adding stuff to my coworkers' notes.
When u wanna get high but u fancy
When Americans build their house
Grandma 2016 vs 2090
Need to take a break?
Don't come here you normie
Damm this iPhone faceID lock.
Bath time for chicken.
On a Boston T
iPhone X Home Button
I was feeling good about myself, and then I had to go and have another fortune cookie
"Near Misses Throughout History"
Tom Haverford, the Ultimate wing man
Apparently Stewie Griffin works at my hospital....
The vet did a perfect job capturing our animals personalities on their ID tags.
I hope they don't notice
I asked my dad to make me a wallpaper, this is what he sent me...
ａｓｔｈｅｔｉｃ Ｓ Ｈ Ｅ Ｌ Ｄ Ｏ Ｒ
"Listen. You is kind. You is smart. You is important..."
They change so fast
This pic I took of my dog looks like a crime scene photo.
My girlfriend thought this was an accurate description of me. I'll have to explain to her when I see her later why she's wrong.
Two tickets to Atlanta please :v
Struck by the divine light ...
Higher level casting: Thot Protection
I thought something smelled funny on the road today
Who would win?
Apple revealed they worship the Many Faced God
things that go bump in the night
Dad's method to guarantee responsible driving
Whenever Apple announces a new iPhone, all I can think of is this.
If traps are gay then...
Can someone explain me why this is gay ?
He was just hungry
Spotted in my institution's natural sciences building.
Attack on car insurance
How brave of you
My father in law told my nephew he would buy him an Xbox when he learns to ride a two wheeler. Not getting it today.
The smell of whiskas awakens an ancient evil
My girlfriend saw this "Prius" on her commute yesterday.
White pple trynna pull sht
** Autistic screeching**
Leave me alone
Best NO PARKING symbol
Just u wait....
Mars Rover = $800 Million; Team to Operate = $1 Billion; Drawing a Dong on The Surface of Another Planet = Priceless.
A no BS approach to getting rich quick.
Ted has the right to explain himself
The most Australian out of service tag
we all I.T down here
They're not dick pics, they're..
The Giant Quacken has been defeated
And that's how we get a camel
The police log when you live in a small town.
I love this friend.
All-natural umbrellas are the best
When the hotel staff has your back
Jerry finally landed his dream job
Ain't seen nothing truer..
The photo lab at my local Walmart
There is a really good chance I would reach in there
The new artworks positioning at our local Skate Country is slightly questionable...
Count to ten
When she changes her BIO to Single
Sorry, I only watch pronoun movies.
The most legit billboard I've ever seen.
Pabst knew I'd spend the last of my cash on beer rather than food. No worries though! They threw in a bonus!
Hey cedric if you think the circlejerk is bad what about this?
For my sister's 20th birthday
You can't see him!
In Birdperson culture that is considered a dick move
That time they posed for a great father and son work pic - but didn't put any tools in the tool belt.
The Ideal Nation
Doesn't look like my sort of fun