Dont talk to me unless you can I N V E N T C O M P U T E R

Pay with your blood

This steel grate is so happy it almost makes me wanna smile back at it

Irish Army Knife

Bort and Merge

The Fourth of July

I bought a white board to keep track of my daily tasks. It's going well...

Recently moved here from Europe. Asked some friends what they were doing tomorrow. This couldn't be more accurate.

Every grad student's thinking

Almost didn’t notice this while walking into the men’s room at work.

A dad being a dad at a supermarket

My local police force doesn't get enough credit for keeping scumbags like this off the streets.

Dont forget to pick up after your dog!

My brother has a brain tumor and I played this in cards against humanity

The world is flat!

Hahahah

Parents got this RSVP card to their friend's wedding

The shirt I am wearing to have dinner with my conservative parents tonight.

Wise words on my English teacher's door

This kid was 11 years in the future

Well, *** you, Siri

Gal. 4:16

Praise our humble guides!

At the hair removal place next to my barbershop

Life-altering accidents

State of the Apes

Banner plane that flew over the beach in South Jersey today. There was applause

#rekt

a god is dying

My repairman's pricing model

looks familiar?

Huehuehue

This is why my girlfriend and I use separate toothpaste tubes

I guess we all procrastinate.

Scape

My hometown gas station giving advice to kids for the 4th.

Bought my sister some dinosaur gummies... she sent this pic later

S E N A T E

I Think This Is Accurate

Austria's model of success!

Nerf guns have gotten more powerful since I was a kid....

Connection problems are the worst

Woke up to my lizard looking at me like this...

Something something school shooting

My cactus dabbed

When the patriotism too good

Scapeing

Homer is smart.

Such is life in Mexico

don't die on us stefan

T R E N

"We've NEVER seen a female character like this before!"

This freeway sign today...

My intentions with you too

Sp0n

Unexpectedly, out of no where comes the real joker

July 4th Checklist

You're gonna stand there and own a firework stand, and tell me you dont have any...

I like to leave our giant sock monkey posed for the wife to find. She's never as amused as I am.

Blame it all on Millennials

do not disappoint us son

SPEECH : 100

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My Dad's condiments based on Sodium and Enjoyment

Shrekposting

think before you abort

Chris Chrisco

Why cyclists wear black shorts

Shots firefoxed!

When you're not quite done Bamboozlin'

That's my boi

Knock knock

Found this while helping my 5 year old son clean his room.. He said it's for "just in case."

Flash will crash if he is in rush

He's a HLer

Just magic

You're gonna need 2 Hands

Hood feud!

*** that cute puppy shit

crikey!

Hangin' out

Baugettemarine motha***aaaa

Shrek is love, Shrek is tolerance

How to annoy your wife 2.0. I had to improvise the S when I ran out of sequin pillows. :(

Relatable

no swearing

Girls are always banana cup after they talk with me

My friend's sister-in-law received her new license plates this week. Here is what the DMV sent her...

Searched for pineapples on Urban Dictionary. Wasn't expecting this answer, but really I shouldn't be surprised.

Dogo Please Give Me A Smile ..

How I justify not walking up to girls and asking them out

Star wars action figures are pretty brutal!

I don't think I'll be trying to get my seat back...

Im actually getting a tan this summer!!!

S I T

Chicken nuggets be like my boyfriend

Found in my town's police report...

Not bad on a state trooper's salary.

SPF 1776

it wasn't real communism, lets try again