i am a pussy magnet

***Magic

Paint skills on point.

I wonder how Patty is doing these days

Guess we know why anyone speaks to WasteofBreath (it's totally not me, really)

don't dead, open inside

Ooh no

Keeping a sense of humor in the face of a hurricane

Dont halt without a belt

The biggest catastrophe this weekend

sponge bob is one thicc b

A life hack

My wife asked me to grab something in the bedroom, this was waiting for me... I chose the right woman

I'd pay $10

New sign popped up at the local watering hole today

The American midwest in one picture.

My friends preparations for hurricane Irma.

My sister found this bra at Goodwill

Is that a banana is your pocket?

Parents advice......never helped

He came out, looked at me and was all "bro, do you even lift?".

It's like they're rubbing it in.

Meanwhile at Wal-Mart

I would definitely take up farming

This turtle is implying I'm not cool enough to eat with him. He doesn't want to say it, but he's definitely hinting.

The previous note in my hotel room

Snake awareness

Ezekiel Elliott

Somehow I'm not convinced...

Saturday plans be like

Windsurfer During Hurricane Irma

Is it too soon yet?

Saving money that way

It's everyday comrade

Alchemy 101

My roommates and I write erotic fridge poetry when we get drunk.

I am proud to see that my dog will protect me no matter what

Wisdom

Splitting a chocolate bar with the wife, it was pretty obvious which half was hers.

Good game

For reals! Which one of you is it?

Elon Musk was inspired by Lilo and Stitch for his new SpaceX suit

"I did not hit her, I did not"

This is how my 2.5 year old niece insists on holding her new baby brother

It works

he is a bit of a moron

I´m waiting...

My dating life in a different nutshell...

You can never beat those robots

I love my fellow Floridians.

"Traps aren't gay"

Relatable

My dog is very popular among street cats

How villains are born

Want serious answers people

I was asking myself why the hell this guy is staring at me all the time.

My friend's baby looks like he just got done working out

This beer has the best label I've ever seen.

Just so everyone is aware

(:F)

please just do it now

Google - Now hiring, no need to apply

Break line of sight...

wat was it before

Last night is a blur....

It's gonna be a big one boys!

i have 30 years of surpressed autism

Looks like hurricanes have now become sentient and self aware

Pathetic

Peasants

Fagguette

rawr XD

soon

Tony Squawk

Don't forget snow...

A necessity for camping

My dating life in a nutshell...

The elevator I was in broke down. I looked in the emergency phone box because I had no signal and this is all there was.

I don't think that's the best idea

The scene before escaping Irmalrog

What's the forecast in ft. Lauderdale Ollie?

Yup. This happened.

No one really knows

The real danger area

My Girlfriend thought she was funny....

How traffic happens

How Jesus walked on the water

Respecting woman is number 1 priority!!!!

thank you japan

magic trick in the comments

There is really an "I" in TEAM

Someone prepping for Irma strapped the entire house down.

Not sure if looking for sex, or actual nightstand

*Closed

Shout out to Taco Bell for holding it together during Irma

This cat makes me laugh.

Eminem meets Lady Gaga.

My buddy is pretty excited about tonight.

Walmart has really upped their camo quality.

Woah