Why do we never see unicorns and narwhals in the same place?

Today on facts don't matter...

F##king not?

Bruuhhhhh.

Saw this guy's mugshot from my old home town. If Shaggy from Scooby-Doo was a real person, I would swear it was this dude. Also, he was arrested for drugs...

Italian forks be like

Trust level 100000%

This review sold the watch

Oof.

One of the best named boats I've ever seen.

Flying Tip

refugees welcome

I drew this for my upcoming 40th birthday

what's in the bag

My brother and I became uncles this week to twins. First impressions are important, so naturally we shaved and dressed to impress

Sad, visually impaired kids have a hard enough time making friends

welp

Customer said his transmission was shifting a little ruff, and that it made a howling sound when going into 3rd. Check and advise.

Who wants a manicure?!?!

18 years

sir... please

Bribing the UPS human

He's hiding from a nearby dog

tile

A rather rude Captcha

Omae wa mo Jizzeru

sounds like something the zodiac killer would say

Agreed

3 points

....Gotta try that

CLEANSE YOURSELF

Found a new name for my penis

facts

Bait

It's not wise to upset a wookiee

I just watched Robocop for the first time tonight and now I want this shirt. Because I DO remember.

Old mate Ryan Reynolds

Existential dating

State repainted the road in our town. Close enough.

This translation

ACTULY

But he was very smooth about it

Some things don't have to be taught.

Nani!?

Pure poetry.

always be prepared, they are everywhere

Welcome to our new friend

This joke is old but I still love it

Yearbook Goals.

I got carried away

Do the Math Dance!

You ain't even feminine

All my life I've been a vegetarian and I finally tried meat. This was my reaction.

Introverts much

♺♺♺

Dinner would be nice

What It Feels Like to Enter Adulthood.

Washington vs. Mix-A-Lot

Days Inn knows why people really use this sign

I’ve played enough video games to know how this works.

There was fresh catnip at the farmer's market last week.

Shout out to my brother for replacing a picture of Jesus at my parent's house with a picture of Obi-Wan Kenobi as portrayed by Ewan McGregor. Three months and counting without them noticing.

Jake Gyllenhaal incorrectly holding dogs.

Some truth to this

Come together

How to film POV videos

This church by my house should REALLY reconsider this painting on the side of their building.

Anyone see that Key and Peele classroom skit?

The purest of poetry.

When six women wearing the same dress to a wedding aren't the bridesmaids. Awks!

Good Elon.

Still a lil shy

Damn Thots

Anon is a hero

Anon gets hacked

Ayudame

TRAIN-TANIC

Found in my kid's classroom. All the same lotion. Brilliant.

The smirk says it all

Picture I took whilst falling out of a tree.

God has deserted us

Let's tattoo my 190k mile Trailblazer with 6 owners and a bad carfax on my arm.

Red Mustard

The train will be here in no time, you just wait.

600 pounds of thicc

Someone rigged this toilet paper dispenser to make it two ply

What are you doing!? Help meeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Vader did nothing wrong

The rate of change is astonishing!

Mudskippers establish dominance by comparing who has the widest mouth.

trap?

This Top secure system in my workplace.

Revelation of Music

Amazon ships so fast, they go back in time!

Not the superhero we deserve

Banksy's book

O ol' musky

Words to live by.

How cold remedies work

Smooth recovery