Stepped on a scale today after conscientious diet and exercise during stay-at-home orders, and this is what I get.

If you know what this is you spent some time at the quarter machines at the local grocery store. I haven't seen one of these for like a decade

That cold!

Let’s make it official...

Sometimes my genius is almost frightening

To avoid masked identity confusion my friend Kai made a helpful shirt.

Minneapolis police arrest CNN reporter who clearly presents his press badge.

i suck at making titles

I was trying to get a pic of my wife and son when my nephew caught the Holy Spirit.

Work smarter not harder

And they're like someone made The Beatles in Oblivion

Lazy made, lazy commentary

Had to have the vet shave my cat to treat a skin issue, and he looked so fake no one believed these photos were real.

Look At This Happy Boi!

Garbage Man

I like burgers

Same boy. Same barber. Same chair. Same camera budget.

why do jokes like this make me laugh so much

Jim Carrey said he agreed to star in 'Liar Liar' because he got to play a normal person.

Shhh, the hills are silent for a reason

Just doing his part

It’s the little things...

Detroit ...

I'm so thirsty I could drink a chicken

Pizza Hut's Name Example is Fitting

yugioh

Damn right it’s better than yours

Imma be honest, I'd look at Harrsion Ford the same way

No exceptions!

Double tap to boop the snoot

No Parrying

shower thoughts 101

Just an optical illusion in Paris.

nice one Germany

Knitting is caring.

I did a thing

Perfect and just what I wanted!

I can't BEElive this

Death Defying

Is the white dude on the right looting LEGOs?

decision

Stayin Slinky

No corona

yoooooo he look

:-(

Those crazy sons of a *** did it

Rock Lobster

6Ft Away!

"Don't worry my dog doesn't bite"

he's been hiding what he did for two hours

The weak will be culled.

Shhh not so loud!

Meanwhile, at your mom's house...

My grandma came to the house in these.. :(

asdf

Sorry for bad layout

And then he said: “Come in, he doesn’t bite”. And I bit him !!!

My dad got bored shopping with my mom and sent me this

Not illegal yet

The future is now old man

Horse sitting down

1 Like = 1 Prayer

S U C C

Modern problems, modern solutions : no leggy no problem

focus

These are the words of the gospel

Sent this to the cat sitter. Trying to avoid a lawsuit.

That failed successfully...

Gotta love Al

Villain or Hero?

I asked them to write me a joke on my box. Was not let down.

when that fat f*ck finally dies

Found in a nearby Car

You too, Chad!

... and he has a cool dog.

He was just trying to take a nap

I may have found a way to encourage people to wear masks…

Noticed this on the back of my face wash today. If only more companies would take the same initiative.

That's the secret

Security obviously a top priority for this Fraternity

title

Hey, it's mother russia.

title

She wanted a Spice rack so here it is

A solution looking for a problem

I’m sure I’m reposting, but this made me LOL. Gotta respect the hustle

Having an argument

My favorite bird

Serena Williams wearing a Puma sweatband in the new Nike ad

Doga

Fertility dance

You get what you pay for

Trying to explain to the 70 year old Swiss man who offered to take our pic that his finger was covering the lens

Launch Delay

Is this thing gas or diesel

I need unsee juice now

Sad Elon

When the restrictions lift but the 'Rona is still out there

Japanese tea

Local Ranch Warns To-Be Trespassers