My Walmart has Candy Cane penises protecting the entrance.

"Can I go back to the shelter?"

Teach em young!

This basically sums up traveling with our toddler...Merry Christmas.

My annual Christmas photo with my housemates

I wrapped my brother's present in cement...

Yeah.. pretty accurate

Probably because he's a diva

Graffiti

No luck catching them drones then?

Merry Christmas from the Texas Department of Transportation!

I have been using it wrong all this time.

Children love him!

Tastes like chicken?

The dog park is really going downhill.

“ducking”

Merry Christmas from the Congo!

I didn’t realize my wife left the kids’ presents in the car until I checked the rear view mirror.

That’s really true as hell.

My girlfriend is taking this hosting Christmas thing a bit too far...

Kids menu at Lucky's Coffee Shop

Got my Christmas Present early this year

She: did you pull it out early enough? He: yes i think so

And a happy new year

Real Friends

Juniper got cold on the way to daycare

Typical

Made me pause

We told our 9yo son he had to justify why we should get a hamster. Here is his proposal.

Christmas is a time for welcoming everyone.

Gift I received...wrapped in a such a way that it appears as if Linus and Patty are getting it on in front of Marcie.

First encyclical - De Memeticus

We should expect everything

*carnivorism intensifies*

The lawyer who recently got nunchucks legalized in New York

true valor

Florida's a fun state. Merry Christmas everybody

This cat is having none of it.

Their true power only shows agaisnt themselves

Burnt 2772 calories today morning.. Feeling very good!

This message sign in Arizona today...

Risky

Undercover officer combats porch pirates

Either someone stole the ‘J’ or my Jewish neighbors have a sense of humor.

Squirrely dog

Post

Lots of love to give.

I don't think he liked it

When fashion meets functuon

Her career choices allowed for nun of that

no wait

Zoom in on the names.

How To Comeback 101

My favorite gift card

Cool!

Broke school system

Tob's favorite part going to the vet is sitting in this sink

My friend likes you...

BLT is the best sandwich

Hero’s don’t always wear capes.

nothing like the simulations

The Vacuum of Terror

She goes to another school!

awww a friend

omg

And they talk for hours...

spooked

You know what I call guys like you?

Disgusting behaviour

Good ps skills tho

My excuse every time I don’t shower

Someone please

What the hell Karen, what did you do with my kids?!

The pilots can't fly when it's too warm.

This is what our Santa wants

Wanna see?

My new favorite thing to do with spam texts

Learning Fibonacci sequence

I scream from when I wake up till when I go to bed even then I keep screaming.

When I lose something my wife always has me retrace my steps. I thought it would make a funny cartoon. Hope you like it.

When your kid asks for a switch for Christmas

Big dick energy

Anyone else who laughs at this is my new bff

Elf on a Shelf is wildin’

I'm proud that I didn't miss the moment

City

Bruh you ok

Hmm, well according to Google...

That’s true

Hail Octonauts

Pretty in heels

He so sexyyy...

Just a quick shout out

Steve Buscemi looking like Macauley Culkin in maybe 7 rough years

Terminator 2

Just saw this movie again

Rewind it

I googled “fat starfish” I wasn’t disappointed

I’m in

Not to rat out on Crisp Rat’s dad...