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Either black people evolved into mechs or white people developed magnetic field to attract bullets
Welcome weary traveler, which elixirs do you seek?
poor Rick
First Lady just wants to know if Annie is okay
1, 2, 1, 2 M.D.
Best name for a snake ever
A friend of mine pulling a fake meteorite in my towns parade. The mullet is legit
tic toc motherf*cker
Jesus on the storms...
Can't
Cubicle boss
He still doesn't know about José.
Spammers aren't even trying anymore...
LPTs on Flirting
Its almost here!
Haha yea works for me
Equifax
S A L T Y B O I Z ftw
If I were in Florida I would take shelter in Anderson Cooper's hair, which seems to be the only place in Florida not affected by the hurricane.
I think I just witnessed a train kidnapping.
It's backkkkkkkk..
Adventures of Florida man pt 2973
One in Hole
Hea you goo
They just put up this sign in my neighborhood and I can't stop laughing!
*** Spelling Bees
I wonder how much 11 rides would be
The little shit upcharge.
Seen at a local cemetery
Is it
Spongebob evacuated as well
Never change Florida...
That solitare though.
Prep complete for Irma
This sign I found a an ice cream shop in Amman, Jordan
My husband writes me the best notes.
Hanging with my cousin from PA during Irma. We sent this to his mom.
Found on campus
Perfect time to catch water type Pokemon
When your friends are rolling another joint, but you are baked af.
My wife hates clowns. I hid the new IT clown in her background image.
Right... so, that's called "the price."
hi, babe
that pic is so 2015
JUST DO IT !
Too much NGag maybe
Growing up.
Stormtrooper detention
That escalated quickly for a children's book...
WTF, W?
Land of the free, home of the hazards!
If heaven exists
i am a pussy magnet
***Magic
Paint skills on point.
I wonder how Patty is doing these days
Guess we know why anyone speaks to WasteofBreath (it's totally not me, really)
don't dead, open inside
Ooh no
Keeping a sense of humor in the face of a hurricane
Dont halt without a belt
The biggest catastrophe this weekend
sponge bob is one thicc b
A life hack
My wife asked me to grab something in the bedroom, this was waiting for me... I chose the right woman
I'd pay $10
New sign popped up at the local watering hole today
The American midwest in one picture.
My friends preparations for hurricane Irma.
My sister found this bra at Goodwill
Is that a banana is your pocket?
Parents advice......never helped
He came out, looked at me and was all "bro, do you even lift?".
It's like they're rubbing it in.
Meanwhile at Wal-Mart
I would definitely take up farming
This turtle is implying I'm not cool enough to eat with him. He doesn't want to say it, but he's definitely hinting.
The previous note in my hotel room
Snake awareness
Ezekiel Elliott
Somehow I'm not convinced...
Saturday plans be like
Windsurfer During Hurricane Irma
Is it too soon yet?
Saving money that way
It's everyday comrade
Alchemy 101
My roommates and I write erotic fridge poetry when we get drunk.
I am proud to see that my dog will protect me no matter what
Wisdom
Splitting a chocolate bar with the wife, it was pretty obvious which half was hers.
Good game
For reals! Which one of you is it?
Elon Musk was inspired by Lilo and Stitch for his new SpaceX suit
"I did not hit her, I did not"
This is how my 2.5 year old niece insists on holding her new baby brother
It works
he is a bit of a moron
I´m waiting...
My dating life in a different nutshell...