HE'S USING MS PAINT. WITH A MOUSE.

May I have some more bacon, please?

Either black people evolved into mechs or white people developed magnetic field to attract bullets

Welcome weary traveler, which elixirs do you seek?

poor Rick

First Lady just wants to know if Annie is okay

1, 2, 1, 2 M.D.

Best name for a snake ever

A friend of mine pulling a fake meteorite in my towns parade. The mullet is legit

tic toc motherf*cker

Jesus on the storms...

Can't

Cubicle boss

He still doesn't know about José.

Spammers aren't even trying anymore...

LPTs on Flirting

Its almost here!

Haha yea works for me

Equifax

S A L T Y B O I Z ftw

If I were in Florida I would take shelter in Anderson Cooper's hair, which seems to be the only place in Florida not affected by the hurricane.

I think I just witnessed a train kidnapping.

It's backkkkkkkk..

Adventures of Florida man pt 2973

One in Hole

Hea you goo

They just put up this sign in my neighborhood and I can't stop laughing!

*** Spelling Bees

I wonder how much 11 rides would be

The little shit upcharge.

Seen at a local cemetery

Is it

Spongebob evacuated as well

Never change Florida...

That solitare though.

Prep complete for Irma

This sign I found a an ice cream shop in Amman, Jordan

My husband writes me the best notes.

Hanging with my cousin from PA during Irma. We sent this to his mom.

Found on campus

Perfect time to catch water type Pokemon

When your friends are rolling another joint, but you are baked af.

My wife hates clowns. I hid the new IT clown in her background image.

Right... so, that's called "the price."

hi, babe

that pic is so 2015

JUST DO IT !

Too much NGag maybe

Growing up.

Stormtrooper detention

That escalated quickly for a children's book...

WTF, W?

Land of the free, home of the hazards!

If heaven exists

i am a pussy magnet

***Magic

Paint skills on point.

I wonder how Patty is doing these days

Guess we know why anyone speaks to WasteofBreath (it's totally not me, really)

don't dead, open inside

Ooh no

Keeping a sense of humor in the face of a hurricane

Dont halt without a belt

The biggest catastrophe this weekend

sponge bob is one thicc b

A life hack

My wife asked me to grab something in the bedroom, this was waiting for me... I chose the right woman

I'd pay $10

New sign popped up at the local watering hole today

The American midwest in one picture.

My friends preparations for hurricane Irma.

My sister found this bra at Goodwill

Is that a banana is your pocket?

Parents advice......never helped

He came out, looked at me and was all "bro, do you even lift?".

It's like they're rubbing it in.

Meanwhile at Wal-Mart

I would definitely take up farming

This turtle is implying I'm not cool enough to eat with him. He doesn't want to say it, but he's definitely hinting.

The previous note in my hotel room

Snake awareness

Ezekiel Elliott

Somehow I'm not convinced...

Saturday plans be like

Windsurfer During Hurricane Irma

Is it too soon yet?

Saving money that way

It's everyday comrade

Alchemy 101

My roommates and I write erotic fridge poetry when we get drunk.

I am proud to see that my dog will protect me no matter what

Wisdom

Splitting a chocolate bar with the wife, it was pretty obvious which half was hers.

Good game

For reals! Which one of you is it?

Elon Musk was inspired by Lilo and Stitch for his new SpaceX suit

"I did not hit her, I did not"

This is how my 2.5 year old niece insists on holding her new baby brother

It works

he is a bit of a moron