You will receive a bonus if you fulfill the contract without killing any of the prison guards.

Dropped the kids off for their first day of school and spotted this on another parent’s car.

I thought that was James cordon

Oh come on, mom!

precision

I’ve never felt more sure of a hypothetical in my life...

Now I’m sad

I’ll let you off with a warning this time

Finally, a safe place.

You’re either with it or against it

the gamer girl we need, but not the one we deserve

Get that premium parking gents

SCHLORP

I don’t think they serve those here.

A MOOSE!

Twitter is an amazing place

dynamite

Grandpa broke the floor

You fool! You feel victim for one of the classic blunders!

siri

O_O

supplies

Humans just dont get it

florida man at it again

Not again

Google never fails to support you.

So basically, this is reposting

That's fair

Is it possible to cure cancer using Internet?

Unfortunately my mood nowadays

SHARK!!!!!

Hate stepping on Legos? I made a pair of lego socks so simply pick them up as you go, pain-free!

Grand opening.

Ye old P-hub

As always, oblivious to the possibilities

Careful what you wish for

Plato, Aristotle, and Socrates

How can this fool enjoy something that isn't real?

Please Don't Yell

Might want to see a mechanic about that

Buying gas these days.

It wasn't by choice

MOVIE SONGS

I named my cat garbage.

I'm on TV

So basically, this is reposting

So my mates went to a Simpsons trivia night. And one of them dressed as homer and they sent me a pic.... And it's the shit nightmares are made of.

So basically, this is reposting

Moving up in the antisocial hierarchy

Covered in both instances

Savage james

Must’ve had a tough day

He got an A+

Wholesome

thicc apocalypse

This is my Natural talent

Please mom, spare his life

I have such sights to show you

This is what

Found my daughter's highlighters, couldn't resist:

HDMI cable needed

The groomer told me not to laugh at him

Perfect male body

Definitely worth the risk

They bite

Those meddling kids

gottem

Relatable

spoon

I was born to do that

Royal mom or not, Dutchess Kate is all of us when our kids are being little shits

This Brand Knows What To Calls Its Products

Diamond

Can we talk this over ?

Most true thing I’ve heard today

Indestructible

It’s snowing in Australia!

I can do those things

Rage against the reins.

RIP photographer

Thanks Charles Darwin... that’s evolution

Family circle has it right.

How does five hour energy work?

Dropping the bass is lame, shooting the bass is in

That's why you don't google your illness

The Shocker

The audacity of this guy

weird dog

Sneaky Squatch

My mom would sap the shit out of me

Amazing Egyptian ruins

Who else thinks my wife's new can opener looks like a strange sex toy?

Nobody gives a shit!

Cone of shame

My Wife told me to check out the new playlist she made me

On that day, the wind was broken.

Relax Karen, we just need some tips.

Die Ants.

Killin time!

From Guy Fieri’s Instagram: “When the flavor is out of this world”